India Butt

Teaching all those Anas last week - in front of four mirrors no less! - made me start thinking about my own fat arse. I've decided to do it: The Master Cleanse. I know it's not very original but I'm starting next week. Or maybe I should start this week. I don't know, I need to get some eating out of the way first. And after the 12-day cleanse I'm going ALL RAW. This time I mean it. Lucky for me sushi isn't cooked!

If that doesn't work I'm going to have to get to Mysore ASAP so I can get an India Butt. You know, the one that's all shrunken and cute because you've been sick the whole time. I can't wait for my baggy size 00's from high school to fit again. Mid-waist pleated straightleg baggies are going to be THEE Next Big Thing and (as usual) I'M THERE FIRST, SUCKAS.

Which reminds me. I've been inspired by Madonna (again). I'm going to start designing my own t-shirts. Well, actually, I've already started designing them. They're supercute yoga t-shirts. I'll post one soon, promise. But first I've got to trademark them. You know, I've had so much time on my hands what with losing my job and the BF driving Flatsie back to her beloved Russia that I had to do SOMETHING so I didn't go stir crazy and believe you me, practise alone ain't cuttin it. And since the yoga teaching offers and fashion magazine editorships haven't exactly been pouring in, well, I figure I need a new career. I can't WAIT to show my designs to you. All ten of you.

Oh yeah. So we got Flats to the airport (me in the back seat again) only to find out that Aeroflot owed so much in gate fees that they'd been banished for good! No plane! So right then and there BF offered to drive her back to Russia. That's such a long drive -- and he's SUCH a bad driver, and with no GPS no less. She wears so much cologne and he talks incessantly -- they deserve each other. But I'm still playing dumb about their rel. because I want that yoga studio so badly I can taste it (actually it tastes a little bit like chicken. Not that I'd know what that tastes like). So it's time to expand my horizons. And buy my ticket to Mysore. Or.....I wonder if BF would give me a ride there. We could go through Afghanistan on the way. Those Pashtun guys are HOT. And I bet the opium lords at least are really loaded. In more ways than one. Hmmmm....